da da da, I don't love you, you don't love me, da da da.

I get so angry every time I think of her. I joke around, but it bothers me. I hate that think of her at all. A big part of me hopes she crashes her bike and gets a little disfigured. Not really super badly disfigured... just enough so no one will ever love her. Stupid old broken heart. I stitched it back together best I could, but it still aches. You know how people who lose a limb often say they can still feel their arm or leg or whatever? Phantom limbs they call it. (Like Phantom Limb from Venture Bros.) Even after almost two years I still sometimes reach over in my sleep to grab that warm body and pull her close, but it's always just cold empty sheets. Phantom Girlfriend is how I secretly think of the feeling.

Sigh. Phantom Girlfriend, you are the only one for me. The only one who stays with me always.

Funny how I would always do that though, with every girl I've ever dated. If we moved away from each other at all in the night and I woke up for a split second, I would immediately grab her and close the gap. I think that was probably some kind of warning sign of my dependence on relationships. Even in my sleep, I am possessive and terrified of being abandoned. Okay, more than enough introspection on that subject for one night. Luckily, I can't really get myself into a relationship for a nice long while. Hurray for cold turkey!

"You make forgetting look so easy."