I used to think I was cool.

...until I saw this and realized that my worthless talents PALE in the shadow of true talent. I am ashamed.

I don't know if everybody has heard of yelp.com. It's a website where regular commoner folk such as yourselves can review just about damned near any business, restaurants, hair stylists, pool halls, et cetera. It's in a few cities, and very very popular in San Francisco, which is where I believe it started. I found it handy a few times, though I have mixed feelings about it because so many people write scathing reviews after they get one rude waiter one time or just because they're snobby... et cetera. Anyways, I used to have a pretty cool job at the kind of place that would make the internet culture go absolutely fucking apeshit b/c it was indie and different and very, very expensive. A woman came in and checked our place out and doled out the compliments without any intention of buying anything, which happened about 3-4 times a day b/c we were on one of the most prime locations in North Beach. She then exclaimed "Oh, oh! Are you on Yelp?!" And I replied that yes, we'd been reviewed quite a few times. To which she replied, "Oh...damn. I was hoping to be the first to 'yelp' you. I'm a really big 'Yelper.'"

Now, besides the fact that calling yourself a big "yelper" brings to mind all kinds of naughty thoughts for me, I find it weird that anyone would so proudly declare that you waste a notable amount of your time reviewing local businesses on some website. That to me is like saying "Oh I use myspace every hour of every day!" Myspace, facebook, yelp, youtube, blogs... the whole internet culture thing, is really mostly retarded. So yes, I have a blog that I write in near constantly, and yes I check my facebook like 4 times a fucking day, but at least I am appropriately ashamed of these things. I do not happily declare how pathetic and lonely my existence is... except in the form of self-deprecating humor, of course.

Every time I say "self-deprecating" I think back to when I was in junior high and used to say that wrong. I thought it was "self-defecating." That led to a lot of confusion and me spending most of 8th grade known simply as "that poop girl." I also used to confuse narcissistic and narcoleptic. That was also confusing.