God damn it.

Oof. I'm always better off not talking to my ex. I don't know why I do this to myself every few months. I felt obligated to tell her that I was enlisting, but talking to her was clearly a mistake. Too different now. She can't understand my life at all. Most privileged people can't. There's not much fucked up shit in life that I haven't experienced, and it changes your perspective. You can't be the same as people who have lived normal lives. I don't like to talk about it though - comes off like self-pity. And I don't want pity from anyone, least of all myself.

I'm a little worried about my 2nd choice job that I'm going to be enlisting for Thursday. The training is good and useful, but I'm afraid of being bored at a desk job. I really wish I could've got the HUMINT job. I'm wondering though if I should have gone for MP, but I wouldn't get language training and no AA degree. But it would be more exciting. I donno. Linguist is the smart choice, MP is the exciting choice. We'll see. I should call my recruiter tomorrow if I'm still uneasy about it. I need the training - I should stick with linguist. If DADT gets repealed, I can reenlist and reclass in two years. If it doesn't get repealed, I doubt I want to stay in for more than one enlistment. We'll see how bad it really is or not once I'm in.

I'm damn sick of people judging me, who really ought to be thanking me that their asses are getting drafted. Dicks.