oh balls!

Oh fucking man! OH FUCKING MAN! OH MY FUCKING GOD!

Remember that whole, be around for 2-3 months? yeah, no. No not at all. TWO WEEKS, motherfuckers! I signed today. I leave in two fucking weeks! And I'm gonna be an MP after all. Fate decided that for me when I didn't get a qualifying score on the DLAB... by 5 points AND that's only because they raised the standard by 10 points just last month. If I had talked to the recruiters like, 2 months ago, I could've had either of the MI jobs I wanted. There's a reason for everything though. This will be good. It's more fun anyways. Too bad I don't get to go to DLI in Monterrey though. If I like the Army, I can always reenlist and reclass in 3 years.

Oh, and I'm in for 5 motherfucking years. Oof. Good thing there's no minimum weight anymore either b/c I'm just barely over the old standard and I was afraid that all the running might make me lose the 5 pounds that would have fucked me over.

I can't believe I'm leaving in two weeks. That's seriously intense. I thought I had some time to get my shit in order and to just kind of hang out with my old friends, but man, this is FAST.

"But whatever you're gonna do, I'm gonna follow you..."

"And you wanna hold hands, in the cemetery
And you wanna be lost, for all eternity
And everything is dark, and kind of scary
And you crave the full moon, but i don't care..."

God I fucking love the HorrorPops. I love them so much it makes my fucking eyes bleed... with joy.

Like this:


Their show fucking ate my soul and spit it out like gristle. Happy happy gristle. It was most pleasurable. Oh man. It makes my heart skip a beat as much as a bad crush. Damn, that's awesome. I like that feeling not to depend on some girl because girls are often disappointing, but music is always there for me. Arggh. I could be hanging out with an awesome girl this week if it weren't for MY STUPID FUCKING PHONE BEING STUPID FUCKING BROKEN. God damn it. I also realized I haven't paid the bill so in the time since it broke, it's probably been disconnected anyways. Crappy mccrapperson! hehehe.. crapperson. I also secretly/not so secretly just quietly for the most part love another girl, so it's probably okay that I'm not hanging out with the one here. Okay, too many pronouns. I'm confused. The pronoun game... not fun. That's what I call it when you're around someone you can't tell you're gay but you don't want to lie. End up saying "they" and it becomes obvious pretty quickly if they're not completely oblivious - I use it to refer to all of it though, even if you're not dumb enough to say "they." I haven't had to play it in many many years b/c I've been so completely out for so long now, but I had to pull it the other day with my recruiter. Like... "so this girl I was... hanging out with..." when referring to someone I'd been dating. Whoops. I mean, they know. It's pretty obvious. I just can't say it. That's gonna be the hardest thing about the Army, I think. Oh the things we trade for financial stability. Love, pride... is there nothing I won't sell off? It's more like renting I guess... for four years. I'm not feeling bad though. I've already come to terms with the sacrifices I'll have to make, or else I wouldn't be signing on Thursday. FUCKING THURSDAY OH MY GOD. I'm not actually all that nervous. I think I'll be much more scared when it gets close to my ship date.

God damn it.

Oof. I'm always better off not talking to my ex. I don't know why I do this to myself every few months. I felt obligated to tell her that I was enlisting, but talking to her was clearly a mistake. Too different now. She can't understand my life at all. Most privileged people can't. There's not much fucked up shit in life that I haven't experienced, and it changes your perspective. You can't be the same as people who have lived normal lives. I don't like to talk about it though - comes off like self-pity. And I don't want pity from anyone, least of all myself.

I'm a little worried about my 2nd choice job that I'm going to be enlisting for Thursday. The training is good and useful, but I'm afraid of being bored at a desk job. I really wish I could've got the HUMINT job. I'm wondering though if I should have gone for MP, but I wouldn't get language training and no AA degree. But it would be more exciting. I donno. Linguist is the smart choice, MP is the exciting choice. We'll see. I should call my recruiter tomorrow if I'm still uneasy about it. I need the training - I should stick with linguist. If DADT gets repealed, I can reenlist and reclass in two years. If it doesn't get repealed, I doubt I want to stay in for more than one enlistment. We'll see how bad it really is or not once I'm in.

I'm damn sick of people judging me, who really ought to be thanking me that their asses are getting drafted. Dicks.

I used to think I was cool.

...until I saw this and realized that my worthless talents PALE in the shadow of true talent. I am ashamed.

I don't know if everybody has heard of yelp.com. It's a website where regular commoner folk such as yourselves can review just about damned near any business, restaurants, hair stylists, pool halls, et cetera. It's in a few cities, and very very popular in San Francisco, which is where I believe it started. I found it handy a few times, though I have mixed feelings about it because so many people write scathing reviews after they get one rude waiter one time or just because they're snobby... et cetera. Anyways, I used to have a pretty cool job at the kind of place that would make the internet culture go absolutely fucking apeshit b/c it was indie and different and very, very expensive. A woman came in and checked our place out and doled out the compliments without any intention of buying anything, which happened about 3-4 times a day b/c we were on one of the most prime locations in North Beach. She then exclaimed "Oh, oh! Are you on Yelp?!" And I replied that yes, we'd been reviewed quite a few times. To which she replied, "Oh...damn. I was hoping to be the first to 'yelp' you. I'm a really big 'Yelper.'"

Now, besides the fact that calling yourself a big "yelper" brings to mind all kinds of naughty thoughts for me, I find it weird that anyone would so proudly declare that you waste a notable amount of your time reviewing local businesses on some website. That to me is like saying "Oh I use myspace every hour of every day!" Myspace, facebook, yelp, youtube, blogs... the whole internet culture thing, is really mostly retarded. So yes, I have a blog that I write in near constantly, and yes I check my facebook like 4 times a fucking day, but at least I am appropriately ashamed of these things. I do not happily declare how pathetic and lonely my existence is... except in the form of self-deprecating humor, of course.

Every time I say "self-deprecating" I think back to when I was in junior high and used to say that wrong. I thought it was "self-defecating." That led to a lot of confusion and me spending most of 8th grade known simply as "that poop girl." I also used to confuse narcissistic and narcoleptic. That was also confusing.

"His father was a drinker, and his mother cried in bed..."

I'm really mad about my broken phone. Seriously.

Also, NEW POLICY!

From now on, when I decide to approach an attractive girl, I will open with only very strange and possibly obscure discussions. Not even like "Hey, how's it going?" I'm just gonna launch into a manifesto about how only children and retards could believe in a personified deity, but the idea of a force created from energy we can't define could conceivably form something close to what we think of as "God" and how eventually gender will have no meaning in society so she may as well get with the times and get over this silly notion of being "straight" even though I'm totally gay. I'll come up with more obscure shit. Maybe I'll just rant about specific indie-esque movies like Psycho Beach Party or awesome web comics and if she knows what I'm talking about, I'll know I've found The One. Though I don't believe in that crap.

"The neighbors - they adored him, for his humor, and his conversation..."

The song I'm quoting is about a horrible serial killer. I always find I identify strongly with the back stories of serial killers, which kind of freaks me out. But there's no bodies under my floorboards... and I don't have floorboards because I'm a homeless coucher.

Blurry vision and bruised knuckles.

"Dang it!" John rocks. Evidence to this effect. A comic John drew when he was like 13 or 14 or something. 3 awesome strips. I've been drawing comics again lately. They're poorly done and probably not nearly as funny as I think they are, but I'll put them up soon.

Anyways. My phone broke tonight and it sucks because I was gonna try and get laid but now I can't call the girl, so it sucks el superbad. Also bad for work and for rescheduling my meeting with the recruiters on Monday.

Also, the Horrorpops are fucking awesome!! I saw them the other night and it was fucking amazing. Best show I've been to in a long time. I want to see Gogol Bordello, Justice, Explosions in the Sky, Streetlight Manifesto and and and....

I tried very unsuccessfully to pick up a hot psychobilly chick at the show. It was embarrassing. Really. Some day, I will hook up with a hot psychobilly girl. I've been after 'em for years. Also, I got punched in the eye by a skinhead, but I got him back.

"If I was taller, I'd fight you. If I was a dog, I'd bite you."

"I'd rather die terrified than live forever."

I stole the above quote from A Softer World, which is awesome. I really, really want the sweatshirt that says it, but it's $18 and there is $0 in my checking account, so it ain't gonna happen today.

I took my ASVAB yesterday and I'm totally happy. I was really afraid I'd bombed from nerves, but I scored in the 95th percentile (for my age range, race, and gender) 'cause that's how they do it. I got a "GT score" of 131 and you need like a 110 to get basically any job in the Army, with few exceptions, like maybe aviation or WOCS (Warrant Officer Candidate School - which takes years to get into anyways.) In any case, I'm set. I scored well above, which means I'm definitely going to get 35M if there are any openings at all, anywhere.

I finally told my mother that I'm enlisting, and she's not being insane about it. So that's good news.

The playlist I'm listening to right now is so, so good. It makes me think of a girl I love and can't have though. Sigh. It's for the best really, but I miss her a lot. I can't even tell her that because my pride defies even my strongest urges... most days. I've started a number of letters that I couldn't finish with her name at the top. I hope promises hold up. Time changes so many things, but I doubt my devoutly romantic nature will ever change.

Everything Rocks.

Aso...

Obama's 9th straight win today. I'm a fan. This makes me happy. I hope he wins the election against McCain and I hope he actually makes real change once he's in the White House.

In other news, my meeting with my recruiter went well. I actually had considered enlistment last year but ended up backing out. Fortunately, SSG. Awesome kept all the paperwork so I don't have to fill it out again. Hurray! Tomorrow I take the ASVAB, which is kind of like the military version of the SAT. I rock at tests like this most of the time, so I'm feeling pretty confident that I'll get a high enough score for the job I want (HUMINT.)

I need to get these stupid drugs (just weed, don't overreact, you pansy.) out of my system. I need to go buy a bunch of cranberry juice and shit like that. I should go to the head shop and get one of those "cleanse" drinks. Taste like shit, but work pretty well. Tomorrow I'll post the news about my test score and job status. We'll see how it goes. I may be leaving very soon indeed. Hurray!

Everyone is right.

Enlisting in the Army. Everyone thinks I'm insane.

It is my intention to get one of four jobs in the Army. These are the following listed in order by preference.

35M - HUMINT Human Intelligence collector/Interrogator
-Very interesting work, out in the field, with the option of learning a language at DLI (Defense Language Institute) if I do well at AIT (Advanced Individual Training)and I really like languages besides the fact that it's a handy skill when I finish my enlistment and start my civilian career.

35P - Cryptologic Linguist
-Definitely learn at least one language, pretty interesting work - drawback, behind a desk listening to radio transmissions and the like. I want to be out in the field.

37F - Pyschological Operations
-Fairly interesting, learn brainwashing spy stuff, required Airborne, language for sure. Drawback - being an ad-man handing out pamphlets to people who hate you.

31B - Military Police
-Fairly interesting, and as a female, the closest I can get to infantry work, which is good and bad, of course, but if you're gonna join the Army... you want some adventure. Drawbacks - Everyone else in the Army hates you because you give them tickets and get them in trouble and so on, good chance of getting really boring duty searching women since I'm female or doing detention work. Boo. Least favorite option, but the idea of getting to be a dog-handler down the road or a Criminal Investigator (like the FBI for the Army) is pretty cool.

I can't go to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) yet because up until last week I was a regular pot-smoker, so I have to wait until I get that shit all out of my system so I don't fail the drug test and get permanently disqualified. If all goes well though, I should go to MEPS in about 3 weeks and then ship out 4-6 weeks after that. Two months in my hometown and then I'm off to Basic! Should be interesting...